It’s all about balance

It’s felt very strange in our house this week. Our fourth wheel, our 11 year old son, hasn’t been here because he’s been away at school camp since Monday morning.

Putting aside my feelings of missing him way more than I thought I would, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about how different life would have been without him.

It’s funny because I talk a lot about being Tilly’s mum and how she has shaped me, but I haven’t really given much thought to how I’ve grown since my boy completed our family.

He was our little surprise. The one we didn’t think we’d have. Tilly’s care needs were high, her frequent hospital visits, tests, and therapies taking up a lot of time, and emotionally we didn’t think we’d have any more to give to a second child. Then there was the concern that another child might also be born with disabilities - the fear of not having enough time, love, and dedication to give to two disabled children was high.

The decision was taken out of our hands and our big, healthy, hungry baby boy arrived after an eventful labour in January 2012.

It’s been a joyous, eye opening ride to what a ‘typical’ parenting journey looks like and I will be eternally grateful that he was brought into our lives. Our gift.

He is the most wonderful boy I could have ever asked for. He’s smart, funny, sporty, independent and the best (big) little brother to Tilly.

What I hadn’t realised until he wasn’t here is how much he balances our family out.

He’s the sound to Tilly’s silence.

He’s the energy to her stillness.

He’s the defiance to her compliance.

He’s the calmness to her chaos.

He’s my companion when she retreats.

And he’s so often the joker behind her giggles.

I hope that one day he will read this and understand how bloody wonderful he is.